Facebook

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm not an Aquarius? Are you kidding me?

            My world – the world I thought I knew – wobbled and shifted on its axis today. It turns out that I was not really born under the sign of Aquarius; I’m actually a Capricorn. Yes, it’s true.  I’m so flustered I don’t even want to think about it!

            Nearly 49 years of reading my daily horoscope has been wasted. The Minnesota Planetarium Society just announced that the zodiac system designed by the ancient Babylonians 3000 years ago is no longer accurate. Shifts in the earth’s rotation due to the moon’s gravitational pull mean that the constellation that your sun was “in” on the day you were born no longer aligns with the ancient zodiac. In other words, the sun was physically in Capricorn when I was born, and not in Aquarius. No wonder I never won the lottery when my horoscope told me that it was my lucky day!

            Just think about all of those couples who knew they were perfect for each other because their signs were compatible. What a devastating development! The number of divorces this news will cause could be astronomical. Say, for example, that I thought I was an Aquarius and my husband was a Pisces. For the past 30 years, we’ve thought that was a pretty good match. However, now I’m a Capricorn, but for some weird reason my husband remains a Pisces. Are we still compatible? This revelation changes everything!

            I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I should immediately call an astrologer to have our charts done, and then call a divorce attorney should we prove to be wrong for each other. Astrology is not something to be taken lightly, you know. The stars don’t lie.

            According to The Globe and Mail at http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/why-your-zodiac-sign-might-have-changed/article1868349/  you should be using these dates to reflect where the stars currently are aligned:

·         Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
·         Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
·         Pisces: March 11-April 18
·         Aries: April 18-May 13
·         Taurus: May 13-June 21
·         Gemini: June 21-July 20
·         Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
·         Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
·         Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
·         Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
·         Scorpio: Nov. 23-29
·         Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17 *Discarded by the Babylonians because they wanted 12 signs per year
·         Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Yes, there are now 13 signs of the zodiac. Are you an Ophiuchus? Try telling that one to the girl you want to pick up at your local bar. A new twist on an old line might just work!
            I wish you the best of luck coming to grips with the redesign of your own personal cosmos. Take heart, my friend, and embrace your true destiny.

4 comments:

  1. My friend Anne just called my attention to another side to this story. Here's Anne's link. http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/13/no-your-zodiac-sign-hasnt-changed/ It turns out that there is a sidereal Zodiac (the one tied to the constellations) used mostly in Eastern countries and a tropical Zodiac (tied to the seasons) used mostly in the Western countries. The sidereal Zodiac changed, the tropical one didn't. You get to decide which one you like!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "could be astronomical" hehe, astronomical.

    Ironic connection:
    http://xkcd.com/847/

    ReplyDelete
  3. What's that law that says "you can't observe a phenomenon without changing it"? These two guys went out to Arizona and observed the dickens out of a bunch of stars last Sept.; D'you suppose that caused the problem?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just checked my horoscope for today. I'm still a Pisces, so I can do that. It said that I should stick with my big idea rather than abandon it. I'll DO IT. My big idea for today was a couple of beers and some pretzels in front of the TV for the Falcons game. The stars say I should, so I will.

    ReplyDelete