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Monday, February 14, 2011

Dinosaurs and Cell Phones

            My new answering machine message is getting rave reviews. One man, who wishes to remain anonymous, wrote the following: “I laughed, I cried... I may have to call repeatedly to hear it again and again.”

            OK, you got me. Yes, my husband did IM that review to me. For months now, our home phone land line has only received calls from people wanting us to buy something, wanting us to vote for them, or in some cases, people wanting money and our vote. Now that I work from home, I find these interruptions incredibly annoying.

            I know what you’re wondering. You want to know why I didn’t get rid of the land line years ago. I could have saved myself $33 a month and avoided having to listen to Sarah Palin’s campaign messages. The truth is it just didn’t occur to me.

            There has never been a time in my life when I didn’t have a home phone line. I smile when I think of my teenage self stretching the 50-foot kitchen phone cord to its max so I could talk to my boyfriend “privately”. Now my sons text their girlfriends, and I never get to embarrass them by making kissy noises while they’re talking. Obviously, parenting isn’t as much fun as it used to be.

            I do love my cell phone, even though I don’t know how to use half the features it’s capable of performing. When I open it to answer a call, I hope it’s Spock calling from the Enterprise. The time has come to embrace the future – or the present, for those of us who are lagging behind the times. Get rid of those land lines, people!

            “Hello. These are the dying squawks from the Scullion family land line, which has been relegated to the pages of history next to the Pterodactyl. You can contact us on our newfangled cellular phones from now on. Goodbye, AT&T. It’s been real. Please excuse me now – I have to go fire my cable TV provider. Adieu, my friends.”

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