Friday, May 27, 2011

Smelly Night and Other Fun Family Occasions

            “Hi, honey, I’m home!”

            Can you ever hear that line without picturing Jack Nicholson in The Shining?  I grimaced at my husband from across the room. “Don’t come any closer.”

            “What?” he asked, pretending innocence. We have this same conversation every Thursday night.

            “I can smell you from here.”

            “Really? I don’t smell anything.” He sidled closer to me.

            I put my hand up in that gesture I use to tell the dog to stay. Amazingly, it works on my husband, too. “I’m not kidding. You stink.”

            “Aw, a little cigar smoke never hurt anyone,” he answered.
            “That statement is wrong on so many levels I refuse to dignify it with a response. Don’t you sit down on that couch.”

            He froze mid-sit. “I never give you a hard time when you go out with your friends.”

            “I don’t come home smelling like I spent the evening in a burning Cuban cigar factory.”

            He stood back up while he considered that. “That’s true.”

            “For the record, I don’t mind at all that you go out with your friends on Thursdays. I think it’s great.”

            “I know there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” he laughed.

            I just looked at him.

            “I think I’ll go take a shower now.”

            “That’s a great idea,” I answered. “I wish I’d thought of it.”

            “The sarcasm I could do without,” he mumbled as he climbed the stairs.

            I grinned. Thursday was smelly night at the Scullion house and all was right with the world.

To be completely honest, Jack Nicholson actually said “Wendy, I’m home!” in The Shining. Hi Honey, I’m Home was a short-lived TV sit-com in the early 90’s. There’s a good reason it wasn’t on for long and why you’ve never heard of it. As for the origin of the statement “Hi honey, I’m home”, I suspect a caveman first said it to his wife as he dragged a wooly mammoth carcass into their cave.

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