Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Star Trek Maquis Take Out Osama Bin Laden?

                Yes, it’s true. The Maquis, a group of extra-terrestrial terrorists from Star Trek’s Deep Space Nine series, is responsible for killing Osama Bin Laden. This has been verified by German news station N24, who stunned the world with this announcement on May 5th.

            The operation was more complicated than anyone imagined. The Maquis spaceships first had to travel back in time from the 24th century. A complicated series of math and physics algorithms were required in order for them to arrive in the exact place and time they needed. One slight miscalculation and the Maquis might have found themselves in 1950’s Montana. The potential for error is mind-boggling.

            Since earth still lacks space ship docking stations, the Maquis then had to travel to bin Laden’s complex in Pakistan using a machine called a “transporter” that breaks down physical objects into their basic molecules. These molecules are then moved to the programmed coordinates and reassembled into their original structure. As you can imagine, this is a very difficult process. Transporters are known for being highly unreliable. We can only be grateful that they were operational for this mission.

            Of course, the weapons used by the Maquis were more advanced than anything on earth today. Phaser wounds simply cannot be confused for bullet wounds. This accounts for the fact that bin Laden was quickly and quietly buried at sea. President Obama, while no doubt stunned by the Maquis operation, covered the evidence of extra-terrestrial assistance without blinking. If it hadn’t been for a German journalist, the whole operation would have remained covert.

For more information on this incredible news, I recommend the following websites:

Note: I mean no disrespect to the US Navy Seals, who are truly heroes. Thank you for sending Osama bin Laden back to hell.