Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Goodbye Shoes

The song “Good Girl” by Carrie Underwood has been bopping around in my head for the past few days now. This morning in the shower, as I was singing off-key and most likely using the wrong lyrics, I found myself pondering – yes, I do mean that in the sense of  “searching for deeper meaning” – exactly what “goodbye shoes” look like. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this gem of a song, Carrie tries to convince a “good girl” that her new guy isn’t going to be good for her, so she “better get to getting on [her] goodbye shoes.”

So back to my pondering on which shoes constitute “goodbye shoes.” The obvious answer, of course, is scarlet, mile-high stilettos. If your man is cheating on you, red stilettos are definitely appropriate goodbye shoes for an “eat your heart out, loser” approach. I bet this strategy works really well if you’re wearing those shoes with that skin-tight little black dress you save for special occasions…and if you don’t trip as you’re walking toward the door.

However, wearing stiletto heels would be a big disadvantage if your man has decided that taking a swipe at you with his fist is acceptable. In my opinion, a man hitting a woman is NEVER acceptable and should ALWAYS result in the woman putting on and using her goodbye shoes immediately. In this case, fast running shoes are probably your best bet when it comes to choosing                                                                                                 goodbye shoes.

Now what if you and your man have simply agreed to go your own ways for whatever reason? I guess your choice of goodbye shoe has to reflect the destination “your own way” is taking you. If your goodbye is taking place in divorce court, I suggest wearing a standard pair of black pumps. After that, if your way is taking you to the beach, your goodbye shoes might be flip-flops or sandals. For the big city, goodbye flats would definitely be helpful when navigating the stairs down to the subway.

How about those of us who aren’t planning on saying goodbye to our men? Do we just miss out on the opportunity to wear goodbye shoes? I guess that’s a moot point.

As you can see, I have way over-thought these relatively simple song lyrics, also effectively managing to avoid actually doing “real” work today. I hope you have a wonderful day in whatever shoes you’re wearing!